[toc] I’d like to talk to you about something that seems to be a major issue for many men: how to tell a girl that you like her without seeming weird or needy. Don’t you wish there was an easy way to do that?
Most of all, a safe way? Ya know?
After all, you sure can’t just tell her flat-out, right? Even though you might want to know how she feels about you, just resist the temptation of asking for a bit…
That’d be pretty awkward. And it’s not like you never tried: you’ve confessed to girls in the past how much you felt for them, and it made them run away faster than you could say “Can we still be friends ?”.
I’ll give you a little revelation, and it may come as quite a surprise to you because it works without any magic phrases, tricks or safety nets. Before I help you though, let me take you back into my past – and possibly yours, too…
MORE: A beginner’s guide on how to stop being needy
Roots of anxiety: freaking out girls you like when you were young
In my early youth, I went through a phase when I was very open and curious about everyone. I didn’t know much about life and I could feel myself making mistakes all the time.
There was a girl that I wanted to get to know better. So being innocent and knowing nothing about seduction, I thought I should start by following her on the way home to talk to her. In hindsight, it was probably the most needy thing I could have done! As you can imagine, she wasn’t really receptive! See, my curiosity was surely fine, but by following her around, I freaked her out so much that the next time I tried the same thing, she actually physically fled from me! Needless to say, the feelings weren’t mutual.
Even when you’re young, you don’t have to be a genius to realize that having a girl run away from you probably isn’t the best thing in the world!
Romantic reactions like that from girls had made me insecure when I was young. I started thinking there was something wrong with being curious, and I became quite anxious about talking to strangers. You may relate to that. Experiences like this and the resulting anxiety have kept me from being open with girls for many years. My friends weren’t much help as they would say that I should just “know” when a girl likes me or when she wants to be my friend based on body language and eye contact.
Then I realized: there’s nothing wrong with flat-out telling a girl that you like her! As long as it comes from the right place.
MORE: Are you pushing girls away without even realizing it?
How to tell a girl you like her: just do it!
Now you hear them yell: “but that’s being clingy and needy! You’re handing her your balls on a silver platter!” Well I’ll tell you what: if you make it clingy and needy, then it is. However, you have control over how you relay your message to another person: between us, women really like to feel appreciated and loved. But they want to feel the love is a privilege they earned with their personality, and that they’re getting it from somebody who’s in a strong enough position to give. You enjoy a girl’s company?
Be open about it – but do it in the right way.
That’s the key here.
Telling Her How You Feel The Right Way
A-ha! We’re back where we started. So there’s more to it after all. Okay, first of all, you want to do it when it feels right and natural. That means DON’T do it within the first few minutes after meeting her and don’t do it via email or Facebook. Do it at the end of a date! “Hey, I think you’re an attractive woman and I like your style.” Suggest another meeting (might be good to have some cool event or day date planned beforehand: “why don’t you join me on Friday, I’m going to this party?”).
If you can share a moment together beforehand you’ll be in a better position to keep it simple. (She’ll appreciate that no matter what she says)
Remember this: your purpose is to add great people to your life. You’re not saying “I like you so very much and all I want is for you to pleeease stay with me”, you’re saying “I like you because you do/are this, and I’d like to keep you in my life.”
First of all, your mindset has to shift from “wanting to become part of somebody else’s life” to “inviting the person to be part of yours”. You’re offering that woman (and your friends) the chance to be part of your awesome life because she has earned it by doing/being whatever makes her great. You don’t need them but you think it would be best (for both of you) if you spent more time together… and perhaps even started a romantic relationship. You’re telling them you’re interested with confidence. That way you’re not wondering “Does she like me?” and instead, you’re declaring that “You like her”.
In doing so, you’re not only giving the person major validation, you’re also leaving it up to them to accept! Try to remember that!
However, if you’d like to get the girl to tell you that she really likes you first, then I strongly recommend you read Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo. He’ll take you by the hand and explain the different ways you can make that happen.
MORE: 3 signs on how to tell if a girl really likes you
Confess love to a woman for the right reasons
And that leads me to your second shift: your outlook has to change from “if she doesn’t accept, my life will fall apart and I will cry myself to sleep” to “I’d like to have her in my life, but if she doesn’t accept the invitation, I’ll learn and it’s not a problem.” You’re not losing anything, are you?
And that’s it for today. One last interesting point is that as a guy, you probably instinctively knew how to tell a girl you like her: isn’t it funny that we lose some of our natural, innate social skills when we grow up? Social convention, media, or troubled teenagers dealing with their blossoming sexuality sprout all these ideas in our head that cover up something we used to pull off without any effort. Well, here’s your tip: regain it. Be open, be kind and genuine. If you want to offer her a compliment, do it. She’s probably waiting for someone to step up.