Improve Your Love Life Using Emotional Intelligence

Have you ever tried to “talk” a woman into feeling love for you? I’ll tell you what, I’ve been in that situation many times, falling deeply for a girl and finally gathering up the courage to tell her, just to fall flat on my butt with it. I learned the hard way that no argument in the world will get a girl to like me: rationale will never trigger emotion. Sure, a woman may decide to marry a rich man, but that doesn’t mean love is involved. On the other hand, she may fall desperately for the poorest sitar player because he’s highly intelligent. If you improve your emotional intelligence, you’ll improve your love life as well.

When he released his bestselling book Emotional Intelligence in 1995, the psychologist Daniel Goleman brought the notion to massive mainstream attention. Here’s a definition he gave in 1998: “Emotional Intelligence refers to the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and our relationships.” His main argument is that emotional-intelligence stands beside the classic cognitive intelligence and has a major influence on how a person will shape their life.


In other words, IQ and Emotional Intelligence are two separate forces working together to dictate how you’ll behave. Even though you might KNOW you should do something, you might not because of emotional intelligence.

I will share three ideas with you today that will help your success with women.

Pick up on her feelings

We marvel at the mannerisms of our dogs and cats, go to the zoo to watch how exotic animals behave, or even take an expensive holiday to go “whale-watching”. We take all this time studying other species, but do you ever “people-watch”? It’s a rewarding activity. In the streets, at your workplace, in the subway: observe the interactions of your fellow human beings. How do lovers display their affection, how do they make each other smile? How do friends behave, what kind of attitude does the business guy give his colleague?

You can learn from these things. You can learn about yourself. Now, when you interact with a woman, you can tell more and more accurately how she’s feeling and what her reactions mean. You can also call her on them: “I notice you don’t feel comfortable. Let’s change the subject.” or “glad I made you smile. Seems like you love chocolate.”

Delay gratification.

Goleman explains that the ability to wait for goodies can be directly connected to success in life. Well, I’m sure we can both think of numerous goodies you’ll want from a woman: your best bet to get them is taking it one step at a time. Women will appreciate you for being able to wait, and there’s a good chance you will reap strong rewards for doing so.

One of the more attractive qualities of a man is that he can delay gratification. Showing that you can wait in spite of wanting immediate gratification demonstrates willpower and that you are not needy.

Start thinking with your heart.

Ever watch Moulin Rouge? Remember that one line? “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to discuss the personal advantages of selecting a well-bred, healthy male with a solid income, the best of intentions, well-refined taste, good attire and exquisite manners”? You don’t? Well I don’t either. That’s because the line actually says “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and to be loved in return.” That’s what women fall for!

Don’t offer her gifts, stability or intellectual conversation.

Offer her love. Passion.

How do you do that when you’re at some cafĂ© with her? Well, first of all, you pick a place that has comfy seating, like sofas. Then, don’t sit opposite her. Sit next to her, so you can:

– Whisper in her ear
– Take her hand when you’re making a point
– Touch her shoulders or knees

Introduce the emotions you are looking for into the conversation. Remember, she’s a woman and you’re a man, and you’re not there to discuss algebra. Cut out the superficial crap at an early point and get to the core of beauty, truth and love. It helps to keep an eye out for these things in your every day life, too: by finding beauty in each little event, you strip away some of the phony clutter that clouds your days and turn your life into a more pure, genuine experience.

Demonstrate a masterful control of your emotions, start watching other people’s behavior as well as your own: learn to recognize emotions and react appropriately to them and you’ll improve your love life. It’s a skill, much like attentiveness for beauty in everyday scenes, or patience.