Do you worry about running out of things to talk about with your girlfriend?
It’s not your fault, but it’s a VERY legitimate fear to have. Have one too many dry conversations with your girlfriend, she’ll feel that “you’re just not connecting anymore” and that can lead to a devastating breakup.
I don’t want that to happen to you. No breakups, tears and fights here.
I’m going to rescue you and transform you into the super-boyfriend that ALWAYS has something interesting to say. I’ll give you a whole bunch of conversation starters so you never run out of topics. She’ll love you for it.
You can ALWAYS Talk to Your Girlfriend About the Past
It’s a no-brainer. Look into your recent or distant past, and see if you can come up with at least 3 things that recently happened with your girlfriend. (If you remember nicknames for your girlfriend, that’s a good thing to slip in there too.) This is one of those dating tips for men that always work. Good things to talk about include:
#1: Fun things you recently did together
Does your conversation remind you of a funny story you heard in the past? Bring it up – it’ll enrich the conversation and keep it going for a while longer. Positive humor use has been found to create more satisfying relationships between couples. [R]
#2: What you said you’d do… but haven’t done already
Does the current situation remind you of a positive experience in the past? Bring it up – not only will you lighten the mood, but your girlfriend might be enticed to bring up an experience or two of her own, as well.
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Talking to Your Girlfriend About the Present
I told you it was easy. Now that we’ve done the past, we just move on to the present. (These often form the best topics of conversation.) Good things to talk about the present include:
#3: What JUST Happened During Your Day
This one’s pretty easy – you simply tell her what happened during your day. The more interesting or busy your life is, the more there is to talk about!
#4: How Is Her Day Going
This is also very easy – you can ask her how her day went. Your girlfriend will love this – it shows her you’re attentive and sensitive to her needs, and patient enough to listen to her rant if she has to. Understanding women want to share their day is a big key to success with women.
But what if you are both busy at work? Then sending her quick messages over text on the phone asking her about her day is a great start, at least until you next meet up.
#5: I’m Feeling THIS Right Now
Are you hungry? Tired? Horny? Thirsty? Sad? Frustrated? Tell her! Your emotional health is every bit as important as your physical health, and so you’ll need to take care of it too. Being honest and open with your feelings, (my girl likes it when I tell her what’s bothering me) especially with your girlfriend, will help you stay on an even emotional keel… and it will strengthen your bond with your girlfriend, as well. Tips for women: Listen to your man!
#6: Sympathize With Her… With Anything.
She’s likely ALWAYS going through something. This is a freebie. Just try to understand what she’s going through. It’s extremely easy to get your girlfriend to talk about how she feels about anything – girls love expressing their thoughts and emotions. Just keep in mind that when she does, she’s not looking for solutions – she’s looking for sympathy and support. Be sure to give it to her. She’ll tell her girlfriends she feels grateful to have found you.
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#7: “I Just Saw This” Conversations
Are you both experiencing something at the same time? Talk about it. Give your opinion, and then ask her for hers. It’s a great way to start a conversation wherever you might be, whatever you might be doing together.
#8: TV Talk – Effective
Ah, TV. It’s been called the biggest productivity drain in the history of mankind. Fortunately, when building a relationship with your girlfriend, you’re not looking for productivity – you’re looking for intimacy. Watch TV together and talk about the shows you watch – it’s something you can do for an hour every single day. Love and relationships are sometimes built on mundane activities!
#9: Conflicts Resolution
That’s right – when you have a disagreement with your girlfriend, don’t give each other the silent treatment. It’s a golden opportunity for conversation – don’t waste it!
It takes a confident, level-headed guy to tell his girlfriend: “Hey, got a minute? We got to talk about this…” and then work out a compromise. Every problem you solve together as a couple will make you stronger in the long run, and help lay the foundations for a more productive, more satisfying relationship. [R]
Relationships are not like when you were first dating, problems will come and solving them makes you stronger
Talking to Your Girlfriend About the Future
It’s also healthy to talk to your girlfriend about your immediate and distant future together. Good things to talk about include:
#10: Make Plans to Go Out
You two have goals for your relationship – pick the next immediate goal you have, and talk to her about it. Ask questions, take down notes, make a list or game plan. Few things can beat the feeling that you’re “in this together” with your girlfriend, and work together to make great things happen.
#11: Discuss Making Household Tasks Fun
After planning comes the grind. Even discussing who does what around the house counts as a conversation, and it helps you show your girlfriend how reliable you are (and vice-versa). This is important – we all need our significant others to be the most reliable persons in our lives.
MORE: How To Make Every Conversation Memorable
My Big “Discovery” About Conversation
Listen: I USED to think that conversations with my girlfriend should always be interesting, or positive, or exciting, or meaningful, and so on.
While it IS good to have conversations like that, that shit doesn’t always happen! You’ll inevitably have days when you DON’T have anything interesting/exciting/meaningful to talk to her about. What should you do then?
“Conversations can be ordinary and mundane… and STILL help build a happy relationship”
Fortunately, conversations don’t have to be profound. (Isn’t that profound?) Don’t listen to me, according to a study that tracked the conversations happy couples had with each other, conversations can be ordinary and mundane… and STILL help build a happy relationship between you. [R] You’ll both feel connected, even after if it’s not a deep conversation.
Alright, cut the scientific ‘BS’ you say? You just want to be spoon fed information? FINE. I’m going to introduce to you my magical “never fails” technique so you can keep the conversations going and never EVER run out of things to talk to.
The secret is: “Past, present, and future.”
Yes, it’s that simple and I can’t believe I’m giving it in a free online article but let me explain…
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How to Never Run Out of Things to Talk About
If you’ll notice, you’ll never run out of things to talk about if you share a busy, active, exciting life with your girlfriend – there’s always something new to talk about. Your conversations may not always be interesting, exciting, or meaningful… but they strengthen your relationship nonetheless, and that’s the most important thing!
Just remember: Past, Present, and Future. Always have good stories to tell and inspiring goals to plan… and yes, don’t forget to ask her how her day went! With this, you’ll be good for a long time!
Personal Conversation Cheat Sheet
Here are some notes I wrote down when I was brainstorming what I should say.
While you SHOULD be concerned about your girlfriend’s needs, be careful not to get TOO concerned. Many guys make the mistake of prioritizing their girlfriend’s needs and ignoring their own – and this is ultimately bad for the relationship.
Remember, she needs YOU to be in top shape too, both physically and emotionally. So don’t neglect yourself, and don’t give what you don’t have.
MORE: Are You Pushing Girls Away?
Resources So You Always Have Something To Say
Want more information on fun things to talk about with your girlfriend or simply want to talk a look at our sources? Here they are:
- A detailed ultimate guide on 41 things to say to your girlfriend under any scenario by Puatraining.com
- Mapping the topography of couples’ daily conversation – Journal of Social and Personal Relationships by Jess K. Alberts, Christina G. Yoshimura, Michael Rabby, Rose Loschiavo
- An interesting talk by CapstonePublishing on How to Reduce Conflict and Build Better Relationship… this also applies to relationships
- Humor Use in Romantic Relationships: The Effects of Relationship Satisfaction and Pleasant Versus Conflict Situations – The Journal of Psychology, Interdisciplinary and Applied by Bethany Butzer & Nicholas A. Kuiper
Emotion Regulation in Romantic Relationships: The Cognitive Consequences of Concealing Feelings – Journal of Social and Personal Relationships by Jane M. Richards, Emily A. Butler, James J. Gross