Let’s say you met a girl you really like, had a nice chat with her, and then got her number. Now you want to take your relationship with her to the next level – as a girlfriend, or a secret lover, or a friend-with-benefits, etc.
Big question: What should you text her to make her want you too?
If you’ve ever found yourself in the same situation in your life, then I have some bad news for you…
If you’re trying to make girls like you more over text, then you’re making one of the most common mistakes men make in the dating game. This article will explain why, and what you should do instead, to make more girls like you… when all you have is their phone number.
The 3 Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Texting Girls
The big mistakes men make when texting a woman they like all stem from one wrong idea:
That you can make a girl fall in love with you over text.
It might be possible if the girl is super-lonely or super-desperate… but for the vast majority of other girls, you’re doing the EXACT OPPOSITE of making them want you romantically and/or sexually!
See if you’ve ever made any of the following mistakes:
Mistake #1: Going Into Long Text Sessions With a Girl You Secretly Like
Have you ever gotten into a text session with a girl that lasted several hours, and spanned dozens of texts? It’s a common mistake: It’s easy to think that the longer she texts with you, the more she likes you.
It’s a big mistake, because:
- The longer she texts with you, the more she’ll see you as a trusted friend instead of a potential boyfriend/lover
- The longer the text sessions goes, the higher the chances she gets bored with you
- The more texts you send, the more chances you’ll send something that offends her or turns her off
Long story short: Going into long text sessions will only kill your chances with her. So don’t!
Mistake #2: Flirting Over Text
Flirting with a girl over text is actually okay. But you know what’s MUCH better than flirting over text?
It’s flirting face-to-face.
Part of the fun with dating for the first time is the chase. Save some flirting for then, keep it clean, lighthearted and make her smile. Work off her vibes and discover more about her and what she likes… this consequently means more topics to talk about and more opportunities to be flirty.
Flirting over text is a mistake because:
- Interactions tend to be stripped of their meaning and emotion when done over text instead of face-to-face [R]… so it normally doesn’t work (and in fact fails most miserably most of the time)
- When it DOES work, then you’ll be giving her some extra-high expectations for your meet-up… and if you don’t deliver, she’ll resent you for it
So if you think you can deliver at the date… and if you’re not too terribly attached to the girl… then go ahead and flirt over text.
Otherwise, there’s a much better way to make her like you… and that’s coming up later in this article.
Meanwhile, here’s the third big texting mistake men make:
Mistake #3: Confessing Your Feelings Over Text
This is probably the worst mistake of all…
If you’ve ever confessed your feelings to a girl over text, then what happened next is probably the same as what happened to every other guy who tried it:
- They got ignored
- They got friend-zoned
- They were told to stay away
- Or the resulting face-to-face meet-up tended to be awkward or confrontational [R]
According to the study, men who are dating express almost the same amount of affection through texting as men who are engaged… a strong indication of expressing your feelings prematurely.
It’s not a texting-only mistake, by the way. Confessing your feelings to a girl face-to-face is also a horrible idea. And it’s all for the same basic reasons:
- You put her on a pedestal, which basically makes her look down on you
- You make yourself look weak, needy, and desperate – which no girl would ever feel attracted to
- If she doesn’t know you that well, she has a clear incentive to say “no”
- Women are basically less thrilled when receiving confessions than men are [R]
The study looks into who confesses love first in a romantic relationship and shows that on average 61.5% of men confess their love first, whereas women consider the importance of commitment before saying “I love you”.
So long story short: DON’T confess your feelings. Save that for the proposal. Instead, follow an approach that’s stronger, manlier, and sexier…
The Right Way to Text a Girl You Like
Read this carefully: Texting is meant to be a TOOL for dating and seduction. It’s meant to help you get more results from your efforts in meeting, dating, and seducing women… NOT take the place of your efforts.
And that’s the bad news you might not want to hear, but need to nonetheless: You can’t hide your lack of real-world flirting skills by developing your text-flirting skills…
Sorry. There’s just no escaping it. You really need to get out there and face the girls… and the sooner you learn this the better.
“Don’t solely rely on technology for successful dating”
But here’s the GOOD news…
When you use texting as the dating/seduction tool it’s meant to be, then you can set a wonderful upward spiral into motion:
- You use texting to get more dates with women
- By going on more dates, you become more successful with women
- By becoming more successful, you become more confident and experienced
- By becoming more confident and experienced, you start getting even MORE dates with women you’ve just met
- Rinse and repeat
If that sounds good to you, then here are the three things you need to start doing right away:
First Things First: Your Goal is to Set Up a Date
Asking a girl out on a date over text has a few GREAT advantages over asking her out face-to-face:
- It’s harmless
- It’s easy to do
- Since you’re not putting her in a spot, she’s more likely to say “yes”
Your goal, then, is to adjust your texting method to maximize the number of dates with the girls you meet. Don’t worry about making her like you or feel attracted to you – that’s what the date is for. Your goal, for now, is to get her to meet you face-to-face first.
Got it? Good. Now let’s move on to the next step:
Secondly: Keep Rapport-Building Over Text to a Minimum
When you text a girl and she responds excitedly to you, you might feel tempted to keep building that connection over text. You can go ahead if you’re confident enough, but avoid doing it for too long – otherwise you’ll risk making Mistakes #1 and #2 (see above).
Remember, it’s ALWAYS better to build rapport with a girl face-to-face, on a proper date. So here’s a better approach to follow:
- You text a girl, and somewhere along the way she responds excitedly or flirts with you
- Immediately suggest meeting up sometime soon. You can text her something like:“Hey, you know what, I’ll be checking out the new bar in your area. We should totally hang out.”
- Once she responds positively, set a date.“Great. Tomorrow at 9, then. See you.”
- Then end the text session.
Why end the text session so soon?
That’s up next…
Thirdly: Keep the Text Session Short
If you really like the girl and want something romantic/sexual to blossom between you, then make no mistake: You MUST keep your text sessions short. The reason being the 3 Mistakes mentioned earlier: The longer the text session goes, the higher your chances of ruining everything.
So instead, make a connection, get a good reaction, set up the date, end the text session, and prepare for the date. You shouldn’t need more than 10 text messages to do that.
Meanwhile, if your text session has gone over 10 text messages and she’s not connecting with you, it’s best to end the text session and try again another day. You can end the text session with:
“Anyway, I gotta go – going to a party tonight. Gotta get ready. Ciao.”
When you end a text session with a glimpse into your exciting lifestyle (such as in the example above), she might say:
“Wait, there’s a party? Can I come along?”
And if she doesn’t, it’s fine. You can then go ahead and chat with the next girl on your list.
The Best Time to Text Her
The best time to text a girl after meeting her is on the same night you meet her…
“Hey, it’s Chris. Happy to meet a fellow athlete. Cheers :)”
…or the following day.
“Hey, it’s Chris from last night. What’s your schedule like this week?”
If she’s interested, she’ll reply… and if she’s not, she won’t. Such is life.
That’s why you should always, always be approaching and meeting girls you’re interested in or attracted to, and getting their numbers. Keep your pipeline full, and the ones who say “yes” to you will make all your efforts worth it.
If you want to take advantage of the physiological effects of receiving text messages, then learn what messages you need to send her to stimulate her brain. Click here now to learn the 5 magic messages now.
Resources & References
Still haven’t figured out what to text that girl you like? Check out the resources below for more tips.
- Mobile phone use in romantic relationships – Marriage & family reviews by Audrey Juhasz & Kay Bradford
- How to spot a girl likes you through texting by COCO Chanou
- The Impact of Texting on Perceptions of Face-to-Face Communication in Couples in Different Relationship Stages – Journal of couple & relationship therapy by Joshua R. Novak, Jonathan G. Sandberg, Aaron J. Jeffrey, & Stephanie Young-Davis
- On a lighter note, how to text a girl by Charisma on Command
Let’s get serious: Communicating commitment in romantic relationships – Journal of personality and social psychology by Ackerman, J. M., Griskevicius, V. & Li, N. P